Who Let the Dogs Out?

So I’ve been pregnant two times, resulting in two darling children that have brought me immense joy. This goes without saying. And during these two pregnancies, I had many of the stereotypical symptoms that many mothers face. Morning sickness, hip pain, sleeplessness, a desire to only drink Dr. Pepper and have it pumped into my system intravenously.. you know, the usual.

However, after I had each child, I would then go on to give birth again, and no one had told me of this phenomena. Right around mmm, 4 months post partum? I would begin to give birth to what I can only describe as litters of Yorkie puppies every single time I showered. My hair. You guys- it was leaving on a jet plane, didn’t know when it was coming back again. My hair was John Denvering right down the drain, and I was certain I was going to be Moby in no time.

While I was pregnant, not a single strand fell from my scalp. Not.A.Single.Strand. I had thick hair that could’ve been tied to Thelma and Louise’s bumper and stopped that car from plunging over. It was amazing.

Me, Pregnant.

And then, like I said, the Great Hairpression came, and the hair evacuated in mass quantities. Down the drain. On the floor. In bed. In breakfast. Everywhere. Every time I handed off my sweet baby, I would preface it with “And also I’m going bald, so don’t mind the hair that may or may not be accompanying the surface of my baby.” They would politely smile-grimace and take the poor hairy babe from my arms. Our Dyson Animal vacuum- you know the kind MADE for massive hair shed? It got tangled with hair and I swear it began waving a little white flag of surrender every time I went to vacuum.

I began obsessing over it and researching online. Taking my own balding selfies to compare my new hair line with my old one. Inspecting my smooth growing part line for any new growth 5 times a day. I began parting my hair even more on the side, doing my own Trump style. I eventually tried using Cedar Wood oil, which friends swore by, and this DID help it to regrow faster, even though I was doubtful anything could help.I diligently applied it every night before bed, while my husband kept trying to figure out where that stink was coming from. However, in about 3 weeks, I did indeed have little sprouts of hope coming in. Tonight when I mentioned that I was going to blog about post partum hair loss, his reaction was “THAT WAS NO JOKE.”  At the time, he was very sweet, and would assure me it was not THAT bad, however I’m pretty sure he was just worried his wife was going to turn into Kevin from The Office.

So ANYWAY, if you’re going through this- do not worry- it WILL come back. Until then, sport a Trump side part, and make hair art in the shower like some sort of depressed victorian woman. Maybe you can sell it on Etsy. Or not. Either way, consider yourself warned about the post-partum Yorkie syndrome.

Note- This woman


One thought on “Who Let the Dogs Out?

  1. This one _killed_ me. Like snorting-soda-out-my-nose funny. I feel you, sister–this is completely true. The things we endure to get our babies! The things our _husbands_ endure to give us our babies ; )

    Like

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