I’m So Fancy.

Sometimes little things will happen in my day, and I think to myself, “Self, this right here is kind of hilarious.” I was sweeping our kitchen yet AGAIN, and a fortune cookie fortune from the previous night’s dinner made it into my dust pan. It was just one of those moments that made me inwardly giggle, as I scraped dried up hot dog bits from the bottom of my heels with the other foot. Ahhh, motherhood. Full of extravagance. Also, please note that we, as a family are FANCY, because Panda Express is some fine cuisine, yo.

Also pictured in my very dirty dust pan ( Don’t judge, YOU DON’T KNOW ME.) are bits of dried Play Doh, a straw wrapper from a juice box (Organic, because DUH. Font:Sarcasm..though it’s actually organic, and a water beverage with a splash of juice if I’m being completely honest and going to win best mother of the year here), and random crumbs that will adhere to my feet for the rest of my life I’m sure. I don’t know what has gotten my dust pan this dirty, and I’m not sure I want to know- but you know what I really feel is the biggest waste of time on this earth? Cleaning the things you clean with. Like, it kills my very soul. I’ll do it when I have to, like when the washing machine gets moldy, or the vacuum cleaner sucks up mushy broccoli.

Again, fancy life being lived here.

Your Name (2)

How about you? What are your pet peeves of your extravagant life?

Have a good weekend friend, I’ll think of you the next time I wipe down the Swiffer. (Kills.Me.)

*Disclaimer: I do realize my life is extravagant compared to about 90% of the rest of the world’s population, and am in no way under the impression that my life is not completely, utterly blessed. ( Translation: Please  don’t send me mean comments about children all over the world. I know. I KNOW.)

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