Eat Cookies. Pray for Sanity. Repeat.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the origins of this blog- how Cookies and Sanity came to be. I could have named it after myself, but the truth is that at the time, it didn’t feel right, and to be honest I wanted a good level of anonymity. (Not anymore, follow me on Instagram @jenbabakhan!)

I was feeling drowned by motherhood, and desperately seeking  the pieces of myself that had been buried under the sleepless nights and dirty diapers that came with my second baby. I was floundering for normalcy. For myself. I needed to find my voice again, and a connection to the outside world- a world where I wasn’t only known as Mom, Wiper of All Things, and Maker of Appointments.

This was before I began writing the manuscript, and long before I ever dreamed I would attempt to write a book. I knew I needed connection with other people, and I decided I would try to lead a bible study through my church.

I called the pastor to discuss what kind of study I would lead, and he asked me which curriculum I had in mind. I drew a complete blank. I hadn’t thought about the word “curriculum” since I taught elementary school. I told him I would think it over and get back to him.

I got off the phone and thought about what it was exactly that I wanted to do. Did I want to lead a bible study? Sure, it sounded good, but what I was really craving was a place to sit with other women. I told my husband, Ed, that what I really wanted was to lead a group that ate cookies and prayed for sanity. Because really, that’s all I felt like I needed in those early days of struggling to mother two young children. I eventually realized that I probably couldn’t sell that idea to the pastor. Even though, looking back, if I had placed an ad in the church bulletin for a bible study called Cookies and Sanity: Come pray to stay sane and eat cookies, I’m willing to bet that perhaps other women would have flocked in droves. I’ll never know.I decided to hold off on leading a study, and try to focus my attention on what had always fed my soul: writing and Jesus. So here we are.

It’s still true today. I feel like cookies and sanity are pretty vital to my survival of motherhood. Some days I need more of one or the other, but overall, they still go hand in hand.

This space right here has given me a bit of myself back, and if others read and find encouragement here, that’s the sugar on my snicker doodle. (See what I did there? WITTY, I tell you.)

How about you? What is it that helps you survive motherhood- not as a mom-but as the woman you were before you owned that title?

 


3 thoughts on “Eat Cookies. Pray for Sanity. Repeat.

  1. My saving grace is my daily devotional. I have to read it to not only get through the day as a wife and mom (my youngest of four is now 16), but as a teacher to wild and crazy 8th graders. The funny thing is, I didn’t find myself craving my time with my devotional until I acquired these three roles, so I am extremely grateful for God’s plans for me to spend this additional time with him (with a cookie or two and my green tea).

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  2. Ah! I love you:) And this is a great post. I love how you’re bringing others along for the ride.
    As for me, I was really feeling like I was losing myself as well. I thought back to the ways I connected to myself and God pre-motherhood. And I remembered that my prayer and meditation time and physical movement always helped me come back to myself and, in turn, back to God. So I do a shirt morning stretch routine before work inspired by the work of Katy Bowman which ends in a psoas release position which is when I return to my breath in meditation and often pray. After work I go for a little jog to my favorite place in the neighborhood with a view of the bay and stand and feel the wind on my face and hear the birds sing. I again connect to my breath and maybe meditate and give thanks. It’s interesting to me that moving my body especially outside and by myself is a spiritual time for me.
    Thank you sweet friend and, did I mention I love you? 😉

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