I’ve been thinking a lot about the origins of this blog- how Cookies and Sanity came to be. I could have named it after myself, but the truth is that at the time, it didn’t feel right, and to be honest I wanted a good level of anonymity. (Not anymore, follow me on Instagram @jenbabakhan!)
I was feeling drowned by motherhood, and desperately seeking the pieces of myself that had been buried under the sleepless nights and dirty diapers that came with my second baby. I was floundering for normalcy. For myself. I needed to find my voice again, and a connection to the outside world- a world where I wasn’t only known as Mom, Wiper of All Things, and Maker of Appointments.
This was before I began writing the manuscript, and long before I ever dreamed I would attempt to write a book. I knew I needed connection with other people, and I decided I would try to lead a bible study through my church.
I called the pastor to discuss what kind of study I would lead, and he asked me which curriculum I had in mind. I drew a complete blank. I hadn’t thought about the word “curriculum” since I taught elementary school. I told him I would think it over and get back to him.
I got off the phone and thought about what it was exactly that I wanted to do. Did I want to lead a bible study? Sure, it sounded good, but what I was really craving was a place to sit with other women. I told my husband, Ed, that what I really wanted was to lead a group that ate cookies and prayed for sanity. Because really, that’s all I felt like I needed in those early days of struggling to mother two young children. I eventually realized that I probably couldn’t sell that idea to the pastor. Even though, looking back, if I had placed an ad in the church bulletin for a bible study called Cookies and Sanity: Come pray to stay sane and eat cookies, I’m willing to bet that perhaps other women would have flocked in droves. I’ll never know.I decided to hold off on leading a study, and try to focus my attention on what had always fed my soul: writing and Jesus. So here we are.
It’s still true today. I feel like cookies and sanity are pretty vital to my survival of motherhood. Some days I need more of one or the other, but overall, they still go hand in hand.
This space right here has given me a bit of myself back, and if others read and find encouragement here, that’s the sugar on my snicker doodle. (See what I did there? WITTY, I tell you.)
How about you? What is it that helps you survive motherhood- not as a mom-but as the woman you were before you owned that title?